ERIS IS GOGO ON THE PREGGO. CONFIRMED ARES IS THE FATHER. PHEME IS ALWAYS RIGHT. COHENERENT UPDATE LATER ONCE WE GET STATEMENTS FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY. HOW WILL DEIMOS REACT? AND APHRODITE?
Kidnapping is vogue.
Well what a kerfuffle! It seems our favourite winged hero Eros has had a slight mental breakdown and only went and kidnapped his sexy sister and his frenemie! But why? No one knows for sure exactly, a source close to the subjects at hand only had this to say “Oh well it’s Eros I guess, he always does this sort of dramatic thing. I think it just means he likes them a lot. Oh did you...
My minions from across the globe have all come back with some pretty substantial evidence to the one thing that no one ever saw coming. A broosome twosome off to save a damsel in distress. That’s right, readers, it seems Poseidon made his hard choice between his Best Friend With Benefits and his Hoity-Toity Wife, but, like most men he couldn’t be content with just one slice of cake...
I'm working on a investigation...
Trouble in Paradise....Again?
This couple have been sailing close to rock bottom lately, and this nasty Mother in Law and Love Guru is the lighthouse pointing in completely wrong direction. Our favourite baby faced cherub seems to be in trouble with the missus yet again—this times it seems he really has done something wrong! It seems there’s some mix up with Roman counterparts but the act itself stays the same....
Always listen to Pheme...
What did I tell you, readers? I knew this “Daphrodite” as you have been calling it on the forum, wouldn’t last long at all. “So what happened?” I hear you cry, well be frustrated no longer my turtle doves, I have all of the news to divulge. It seem while this pair were getting frisky in the bedchamber, kitchen, bathroom any other room you can think of Hephaestus had...
Interview with Priapus! (Warning: Not for Under...
Eye on Olympus: Ladies and Gents please keep your clothes on as we welcome our newest guest, /The/ Priapus!
Priapus: Actually, they can take their clothes off, I don't mind
Eye on Olympus: How are you doing Priapus? You've had a tough time of it lately.
Priapus: I have? I didn't notice. I was a bit busy fucking people's brains out.
Eye On Olympus: - Mainly Cassandra, right? Who--correct us if we're wrong--is pregnant.
Priapus: Not just her~
Eye On Olympus: - Twins, isn't it?
Priapus: You know, just the other day I was fucking this one girl and her friend was knocking on the bathroom door like "We're gonna be late." Then I fucked her friend.
Eye On Olympus: - The last time you had a child didn't go too well did it?
Priapus: You know who is looking hot lately? You. Hey Pheme, how'd you fancy it?
Eye On Olympus: - /smiles coquettishly. Suicide, wasn't it?
Priapus: You must be the /only/ person on Olympus I haven't fucked yet. Apart from the prudes.
Eye On Olympus: - You don't mean to say you and Zeus have?
Priapus: Eh, I probably have at some point. I don't really keep track.
Eye on Olympus: - Interesting, very interesting. So what's your opinion on Hera, Zeus' wife then?
Priapus: She's such a prude. Like, she is so unhot, even I wouldn't go there.
Eye On Olympus: - /keeps a straight face. Okay so let's try something new: Out of all the girls on Olympus, rate your top thee.
Priapus: Okay, hotness... Semele. Total MILF alert. Amphitrite. Why is Poseidon keeping that all to himself? No one knows. And probably... Hecate. Powerful women are sexy.
Eye On Olympus: ..You'd class Semele as a powerful woman?
Priapus: I was talking about Hecate.
Eye On Olympus: So does your close friend Dionysus know about you rating his Mom?
Priapus: Duh. His mom is sexy. He has to deal with it.
Eye on Olympus: Would you ever act on this attraction?
Priapus: Probably not. She's a little bit too dumb for me.
Eye On Olympus: So as a message to your fans out there: Brains are sexy?
Priapus: Yeah. Cause then I can fuck them out of you.
Eye On Olympus: - An important message there darlings! Tell us about you and Gaia.
Priapus: What is there to say? She's the mother of the earth?
Eye On Olympus: We're referring to the time she possessed you.
Priapus: Oh, that time. No comment.
Eye On Olympus: Oh well that's boring!
Priapus: You know what would be interesting? If we played strip go fish.
Eye On Olympus: I don't play games.
Priapus: You should~
Eye On Olympus: Not while I'm working~ So, do you think being possessed by Gaia ruined your relationships?
Priapus: Strip regular poker then?
Eye On Olympus: Depends on your answers. Do you think it's made your mother love you even less than before?
Priapus: It's so easy to play, you just take an item of clothing off each time you lose. And I am VERY good at winning.
Eye On Olympus: Because she doesn't seem to spend much time with you-- making more effort to see Eros and Deimos. I bet you feel left out a lot.
Priapus: Ugh. Eros.
Eye On Olympus: How's your relationship with him?
Priapus: Everyone knows that I can't stand him. That's not your blog worthy, Pheme~
Eye On Olympus: I was hoping for more juicy answers, like /why/ for example..
Priapus: He's a stuck-up brat who does nothing but spend his time gushing about how amazing he is.
Eye On Olympus: Sounds like someone we all know.. /pointed look
Priapus: I don't know what you're talking about
Eye On Olympus: Uh-huh. So for the record; how big is your penis?
Priapus: You wanna see it~?
Eye On Olympus: /looks to the studio audience who cheer. Oh go on then!
Priapus: /Stands up and drops his pants
Eye On Olympus: /round of applause. And that's all we have time for folks! Make the most of the screen caps while you can!
Priapus: And I think I want to go talk to that girl in the front row~
New Ship Coming In:
I’m willing to sacrifice to all that is holy, including my self that this pair don’t hook up….Again. On his birthday this ex-(?)alcoholic hung out with the latest member of Olympian Mothers Union where they apparently got very close. A source close to the male in question reported him feeling “confused” after the encounter. Let’s hope her ferocious husband and...
A single stalk of wheat...
Awwwk-ward. Eternal singleton Demeter seems to have been ditched by hunky married man Poseidon already. I hear Demeter picked a fight about something menial and Poseidon, sensing commitment, ran a mile. Is it over for good—and who’ll be next on both their lists? Only time will tell!
Where the cold wind blows.
Darlings, I’d love to say 2012 would be the year of scandal, divorce and lots of boyfriends….and I think I can! This tantalizingly windswept hunk seems more obsessed with his wife’s Uncle than her right now, but le sigh, news on the grapevine says he’s receiving the news with less warmth than anticipated (the Uncle in question is a strong supporter of the gay...
Summer Camp Love?
This nymph hooked up with many demigods back in the day, but my eagle eyed informers are at it again. Informing, I mean. They tell me that this blushing sun kissed Titan-gal has found herself a new object for her affections, no other than the last remaining demigod son of Dionysus himself! This nymph has been single for about seven long weeks, that’s like a millennia by her...
This married couple are suffering stormy times (is this a new Olympian fashion? One must investigate further), as the husband intends to send his legitimate son off on a soul-finding boat trip..with a twist. It seems he wants his demigod (and let’s be honest, favorite) son to compete. No wonder the Mrs isn’t best pleased. Surf’s up!
Carried Away By An Eagle.
This beautiful Prince and the King were seen together yesterday, looking rather intimate as they went Mead tasting. One source says they even saw a little cupping action going on when they thought no-one was watching. Dear me boys, haven’t you learned that Pheme always sees?
Trouble in Psyche-i-dise?
I know, I know, the bad pun was bad; but the news I have is worth the fake titters and blank looks this will have received. The other day Psyche was seen in a very bad state, waterfalls gushing down her face (and definitely not looking her best, tut tut) and seeking solace from her “girlfriend” Persephone. A source close to Psyche tell us she’s concerned over Eros’...
We all know Aphrodite has had few now, that’s no secret. However, her recent child was acclaimed to be son of philandering Demi-god Jason Grace (a son of Zeus if you were wondering). The title of Baby Daddy is being contested however by none other than Aphrodite’s son, Deimos! After a little spat between Jason and the god, Deimos reportedly took the little girl and is looking after her...
Sound the nuptial bells....or not?
Olympus is abuzz with the news that Eris of all people is engaged to Deimos?! But apparently this is untrue, after a lot of “journalistic” investigation (and some snooping) it appears this is not so. What the ACTUAL story of this strange loved up pair is that he has proposed a “non-marriage” after Hera, of all people, didn’t give him permission to marry her daughter. ...
Whatever happened to Darwin?
Well, we know the answer! Circe has been keeping him this last century on her Island as a Komodo Dragon! Better (or Worse, depending on who you are) yet, we’ve got reports of a most serious and disgusting nature consisting of Circe and Animal Abuse. She’s a horny girl, we understand this, BUT with her strict “I hate men” philosophy and the habit of turning them into rodents...
We think something serious is going down in the Underworld. Lately it’s been difficult to see one without the other, while marital unity is “applauded” in this day and age, we think that the lady of the house has become much too alike to a limpet. The common phrase “a clinging clinger who clings”. Is this due to fear of losing him to another mortal seeing as she just...
Well isn't this interesting.
Sibling romances are nothing new on Olympus, but this is a pairing we’ve never even considered on Eye on Olympus. Mainly because it’s too adventurous, even for us! Queen of Marriage and broad shoulders going for a romantic candlelit dinner with King of Capes? Read on dear readers, read on. The couple have been becoming rather close as of late, and word on the streets is that Zeus is...
The Art of Godly Genetics.
So here’s the deal. Zeus is blonde. Semele is VERY blonde. Their son Dionysus has hair as black as coal. There are only two explanations: Either Semele has done the dirty behind Zeus’ back and Dionysus is the son of some other god (Poseidon maybe, explaining his affinity with the sea?) or Zeus’ hair came out of a bottle. Eye on Olympus thinks the latter.
obsessedwiththeworld asked: Priapus asks: I look hot in that thing you posted of me. Mind posting more? ;)
Riddle me this.
So darling Thyone—Semele to her friends—has finally joined our ranks on Facebook! Someone give that gal a round of applause for learning to work it! Now, either she’s been a major klutz or something fishy is going on. We all know her over-protective son won’t let the male gods so much as think of his Momma in any unchaste way (Oedipal, anyone?) unless that male god happens...
Robots have Souls too...
It seems that our post last week sparked high tension on Olympus with our darling bimbo running around trying to disclaim rumors of her attachment to a certain grumpy-guts god. Funny how running straight to his chambers counts as discrediting, hmm?
Eye On Olympus: Update.
Here at Eye on Olympus, we want whats best for you ladies! So we’re introducing Topless Thursdays and Torso Tuesdays (which consist of ab-offs oh my!) Enjoy, my lovelies! Pheme.
Wheaties: The breakfast of Kings?
This goddess has been ploughing her fields far more regularly lately. Who knew salt water was good for crops? Bets on how long they’ll last are on the Official EoO forum.
Interview with Lord Hades.
Eye on Olympus: Please welcome our guest, Lord Hades! Hello, how are you today?
Hades: /gruffly Fine. How long is this going to take?
Eye on Olympus: As long as it take to get all the juicy secrets!
Hades: ....juicy secrets?
Eye on Olympus: Indeed! Let's start with you and Hecate.
Hades: What about me and Hecate?
Eye on Olympus: Is it true that she is your mistress?
Hades: What? No! What is the meaning of this?! That is absurd!
Eye on Olympus: One doth protest too much~ Oh? And how about Thanatos? A source tells me you trust him more than you trust anyone.
Hades: He is one of my most trustworthy employees, yes.
Eye on Olympus: So he has your back?
Hades: He is loyal and competent, yes.
Eye on Olympus: Competent in bed?
Hades: ...excuse me?!
Eye on Olympus: We'll take that as a yes then. Lately you've suffered great losses...
Hades: ...I - ! This is highly offensive and intruding.
Eye on Olympus: Oh please, I'm just doing my job but thank you for saying so! Now, let’s discuss a matter of great intrigue. Maria's death brought great upheaval, yes? What say you to allegations of beating up Demeter?
Hades: I don't deny them.
Eye on Olympus: And what say you to allegations that Persephone herself was involved in the death of your mistress?
Hades: I say they are false and inflammatory! My wife had /nothing/ to do with this.
Eye on Olympus: Are you absolutely certain about that?
Hades: Of course I am. /growls
Eye on Olympus: /unfazed. So you have absolute trust in your wife?
Hades: Of course I do.
Eye on Olympus: So even after she has "relations" with your counterpart, your trust is undiminished?
Hades: /shifts and glares Yes.
Eye on Olympus: How do you feel about the rumours that suggest Persephine and hunky Justin Timberlake are getting it on?
Hades: /rolls eyes Please. She may have an absurd amount of posters of him covering her walls but what is a mere singer to a god?
Eye on Olympus: Do you hear that ladies? Call our EoO line to tell us your thoughts on Justin Timberlake? Should we petition to make him immortal? So you feel no jealousy over her familiarity with other male gods then?
Hades: Define familiarity. But no, there is no jealousy.
Eye on Olympus: Familiarity: Established friendship, intimacy. Not even with her two "friends" Apollo and Dionysus?
Hades: ...besides your obvious and pathetic implication, again, no, there is no jealousy. Dionysus and Apollo are her friends. I'm rather grateful to them, actually.
Eye on Olympus: Grateful? Whatever for?
Hades: For providing her with companionship, particularly in summer.
Eye on Olympus: Aww, how heartwarming! Could you describe your relationship with those two for our viewers at home?
Hades: With Dionysus and Apollo?
Eye on Olympus: Yes.
Hades: It's no secret.Dionysus is one of my favourite nephews and I typically can't stand Apollo.
Eye on Olympus: Would you say you looked at Dionysus like a Father does a son?
Hades: Not quite in such a manner but I am particularly...endeared toward him, yes.
Eye on Olympus: Cuuute! Speaking of, how do you feel towards Zeus these days?
Hades: /shrugs Again, not much of a secret, is it? He's obnoxious and maddening.
Eye on Olympus: Do you really think so? So, hypothetically speaking, if you had to choose between saving Zeus or saving Poseidon, which would you go for?
Eye on Olympus: ..She wasn't in the question!
Eye on Olympus: ....! Interesting you jumped straight to her and not your beloved Persephone hmm. /scribbles on a piece of paper.
Hades: /rolls eyes again Oh good gods. Persephone is my wife, not one of my siblings. I assumed that's the topic we were on.
Eye on Olympus: Oh please, like that's stopped any of you before.
Hades: Yes, the...more archaic of us, certainly. /unimpressed~
Eye on Olympus: So really, you're the odd one out?
Hades: If you'd like. /sighs
Eye on Olympus: Would you say you were always the Ugly Duckling of the family, as it were?
Hades: Is this really appropriate?
Eye on Olympus: No, but it's necessary!
Hades: No, it isn't.
Eye on Olympus: Of course it is! It's how I make my living! Now, would you like to move on?
Eye on Olympus: Certain...sources have claimed that you were your Mother's favorite, would you say this was true?
Hades: I had a good relationship with my mother growing up.
Eye on Olympus: You're avoiding answering the question.
Hades: I don't have an answer
Eye on Olympus: You must do.
Hades: I don't. Our mother loved us all.
Eye on Olympus: Equally?
Hades: I believe so, yes
Eye on Olympus: So when she gave you a puppy, your siblings also got pets? (Source undisclosed)
Eye on Olympus: Hm, that's what I thought.
Eye on Olympus: So nothing. I leave the /so/ to my delightful viewers. I merely get the facts~
So, how do you feel about your Mothers surprising return then?
Hades: I was...hesitant at first. And unbelieving. I wanted to resent her but...ultimately, I'm glad she's back.
Eye on Olympus: Mmm yes, there's a lot of suspicion on Olympus right now about her intentions.
Hades: So it would seem.
Eye on Olympus: And how do you feel about that?
Hades: I don't like it particularly but I cannot say I entirely blame them.
Eye on Olympus: But you don't share their sentiments at all?
Hades: I do somewhat.
Eye on Olympus: Aha. Interesting, /very/ interesting. Now, a special question from one of your fans "If you had an elephant, where would you hide it?"
Eye on Olympus: Oh I'm pretty sure you heard me.
Hades: I'm afraid I don't understand, however.
Eye on Olympus: /says louder and slower A..fan..question..now.. "If..you..had..an..elephant..where...would..you..hide..it?"
Hades: /grits his teeth in impatience I understand the saying. I do not understand its significance or why it is being asked of me.
Eye on Olympus: Oh I don't pretend to understand fangirls.
Hades: Nor do I, it would seem
Eye on Olympus: Well, apologies to xxemo666girlxxx--your question will not be answered tonight. Now, Lord Hades, how do you feel about people percieving you as the "villain"?
Hades: I find it false, of course, and that those who do claim me as such as simply ignorant. I've learned to accept it over the years.
Eye on Olympus: So you simply turn the other cheek?
Hades: I try to, yes.
Eye on Olympus: Does it ever get hard?
Hades: Of course it does
Eye on Olympus: And how do you deal with being hated then?
Hades: My own strength and willpower and...well, Hestia and Persephone certainly help. Not to mention Cerberus.
Eye on Olympus: Has your dog become a confidant of yours then?
Hades: A vigilant companion more like.
Eye on Olympus: .....Out of curiosity, what do you feed your dog?
Hades: Dog food? It's not normal, mortal dog food of course but still. He's particularly fond of steaks as well.
Eye on Olympus: Naturally. So I take it you're more a dog than a cat person?
Hades: Indeed. Hestia and I are quite at odds on that one. /chuckles
Eye on Olympus: Well, I'm much more inclined towards her side, really. And I'm afraid that's all we've got time for today!
Hades: Oh, thank the gods.
Eye on Olympus: ...The pleasure was all mine, I'm sure.
Even I didn't see this coming.
It seems that what we all thought was a normal father/daughter relationship took a turn for the Greek last week on Olympus, as loveable Psyche confessed her feelings to Hephaestus, and found out they were reciprocated. A source close to the pair disclosed evidence that Psyche had stormed into his forge exclaiming “I don’t like your relationship with Aphrodite”. We’ve always...
Yes, yes, yes, exciting news just in! It seems Rhea has returned to Olympus, but after all this time will her children welcome her back with open arms? Eye on Olympus requested several interviews with the AWOL Mother, but it seems we’re being ignored—is something fishy going on behind the scenes? Just where has she been all this time? Why back now, when us gods are threatened? Why has...
Interview with Lord Dionysus.
Eye on Olympus: Hello, Mr D! Thanks for joining us today, how are you doing?
Dionysus: I'm doing okay.
Eye on Olympus: Shall we just cut to the chase?
Dionysus: Sure, whatever. Can I drink in here? I'm thirsty.
Eye on Olympus: Now, now Dionysus, remember your restrictions.
Dionysus: I meant coke. (He summons a can anyway)
Eye on Olympus: Which brings me to my first question, how are you faring at Camp Half-Blood?
Dionysus: I hate it there.
Eye on Olympus: Does the place not have any perks?
Dionysus: Any place without wine is a place without perks.
Eye on Olympus: That was quite poetic, obviously Apollo rubbing off on you. (conspirital look at the audience)
Dionysus: Oh can we eat these cookies or are they just for sho--Hey! I know what you're trying to do!
Eye on Olympus: So what do you have to say of these allegations that you and Apollo are, in fact, boyfriends?
Dionysus: False! They're complete bull crap!
Eye on Olympus: There is photographic evidence.
Eye on Olympus: Ah, was worth a shot to try and get you to 'fess up. So how does Ariadne, your wife that is, feel about these rumours?
Dionysus: Okay so I know she's my wife, no need to remind me. And she's cool about it, especially when they're RIDICULOUS.
Eye on Olympus: What about when the alleged relationshis are true?
Dionysus: Well, we have a system..
Eye on Olympus: Do share? Are you going to reveal the secrets to a happy marriage?
Dionysus: It's monogamous as long as she knows about it.
Eye on Olympus: I'm not sure that's how it works..
Dionysus: Of course it is, and besides, can't see a bachelor like myself being tied down to one person-- it's not fair on the female populace.
Eye on Olympus: So you think of yourself as a "Bachelor"?
Dionysus: Of course I do!
Eye on Olympus: ...Interesting. So, tell us about your relationship with your Mother?
Dionysus: ...What do you want to know?
Eye on Olympus: Well for starters, why did you choose to steal her away from the Underworld?
Dionysus: Ah! That old story. Well, I was but a young lad, and my life was so hard--
Eye on Olympus: Can we get to good part?
Dionysus: It's all good! (incoherent grumbling) Fine, so I was like "yo Hades, give me my Mom" and he was like "Uhm no" and I was like "Amazing bamf powers activate!" so yes. But the reason I decided to was because, well, I was there and it was something to do..
Eye on Olympus: Didn't you give Lord Hades flowers and sucked up to his wife? And the real reason was because you missed her, didn't you?
Dionysus: I--What--No to both counts, pffttt.
Eye on Olympus: (to camera: Disbelieving grin) There've been many conspiratory theories about you over the years..
Dionysus: Yes I am Jesus, No, I'm not friends with Beiber. Yes, I thought Lohan could make it in the business SO I WAS WRONG I DON'T CARE. Yes, I refuse to eat goats meat.
Eye on Olympus: ...Well, that was insightful. Fancy telling us some Eleusinian secrets?
Dionysus: Oh lookie, your timers beeping!
Eye on Olympus: We still have five minutes yet, sit back down!
Dionysus: Next question.
Eye on Olympus: Is it true you have Daddy-Issues?
Dionysus: Isn't that what girls have that turns them into sluts..?
Eye on Olympus: I'll take that as a yes then! So you and your Uncle Hades seem pretty close.
Dionysus: I wouldn't say close exactly, but we're tight.
Eye on Olympus: How did that happen?
Dionysus: I was, ah, quite an emotional child..
Eye on Olympus: So would you say he was a father figure to you?
Dionysus: ...Not at all.
Eye on Olympus: Oh? What then?
Dionysus: Uncle figure..?
Eye on Olympus: Would you say Zeus was a good father?
Dionysus: Eh, could've had worse.
Eye on Olympus: Many people would've killed for your position in at his thigh..
Dionysus: Oh gross.
Eye on Olympus: What about Hera?
Dionysus: What about Hera?
Eye on Olympus: I mean to say, has your relationship with her improved at all?
Dionysus: (Finds this hilarious and laughs until he timer beeps)
Eye on Olympus: Hmph. I suppose that's all we have time for, folks! Thanks Dionysus, it's been a...pleasure.
Dionysus: (Still Laughing)
BREAKING: FASHIONISTA PERSEPHONE LINKED TO UNDEAD...
The shocking story of Hades “living” with his wife and his mistress has gripped our readers from start to finish, and oh! what an end! After going into labor, Maria Di Angelo, gave birth to a son, Alessio, and died (again?). The “death” was called suspicious, and all eyes turned to Mother and Daughter combo Demeter and Persephone. Our suspicions were confirmed by reliable...